I am munching on cashews. I am a junk food vegan. I eat healthy often, but I eat unhealthy often too. Lots of fat and carbs and sugar. The typical food addiction. Blah.

I almost ordered meat twice in the past few days. Well, not so much that I almost did, but I thought about doing it. I imagined the taste and texture in my mouth. I remembered how it felt to eat meat. Cheese. Coffee with cream. I wanted it, and I thought 'just this once'.

But I didn't. I remember that last time I tried to go vegan, it started going down after one bite of poutine. Soon after that it was vegetarian, and then fish, and then shawarma and then I just didn't care anymore.

I care now though. I care enough to remember that at the very least, I, one person, can refuse to contribute to confining, slaughtering and eating animals. On ethical grounds, I am convinced. On health grounds, not so much. I'm leaning more towards a traditional, organic, natural and seasonal diet, and that's not possible with veganism in Canada. I'm not sure what is possible anymore. I'm anxious for next planting season. Anxious for the end of this season, to see if the seeds will come and if I can understand the natural process.